Easter 2009

Today is the 12 th of April.

4 months ago, at 2:08 pm my beautiful youngest son, Greyson took his last breath in my arms with his head over my heart.

4 months.

Easter is the day that we Christians celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ.

When Pastor Mark Simpson came out to our house to pray with us for God's help in dealing with Grey's death, told me,

"It's okay to be angry with God." He gave me a big bear hug and smiled. "God is our Father and he can handle it. Just as you handle it when your boys are mad at you when they don't get their way. He understands."

He hugged me again and said, "We humans have a choice, to love or not to love. If we love, we have to accept that we will have to hurt also, because this life ends. We can love hard or not. If we love hard, we must be ready to hurt hard too.

Today, his words echo in my ears. The rage in my heart quivers and threatens to burst forth. God gave us his only begotten son to die for our sins. My anger threatens my sanity, God may have let his son die, but the coward didn't have to go without him except for 3 days and then he was reunited with him for eternity.

Nicole, the boys and I have to live the rest of our lives without our Grey. Never to touch him again, snuggle him, smell him, talk to him, watch him grow and discover the wonders of life and this world.

It has only been 4 months, a lifetime for us.

Yes, I have anger, and I can only hope that Pastor Mark was right and that God can take it and understand.

I hope it isn't a sin to be angry at God for taking our Grey.