Out of the Mouths of Babes.....

I have been wanting to blog about Wednesday for the past couple of days. I just never seemed to be able to get to it until now.

Wednesdays are practice for Seth's Little League team, the Cardinals. I look forward to Wednesday practices because it's usually just me, Seth and Riley. I like to give Nicole a evening that she can just relax, blog, think about Grey, anything that she needs to do for her. Anyway, Seth was busy with his team and I was watching Riley play with one of the little brothers of Seth's teammates. I get a kick out of how young kids Riley's age (6 or 7) think and interact. They were have a great old time. Talking, trying to climb the batting cage fence, etc. Just being kids.

It does my heart good to see Riley adjusting. You know, sometimes I worry about him. He has really been doing an amazing job. I have noticed that he has started to act younger, more like a 2 or 3 year old instead of 6. He was a great big brother. He loved the fact that he was Greyson's "Big Bro", but he has slipped back into the role of the baby of the family, very whiny, fussy, prone to throwing fits, crying, etc. Nicole and I feel that being patient with all of the boys right now is the best approach that we can take, letting them set the stage for how they are going to express their grief, what they are going to do to cope with Grey's death.

I was standing near Riley and the boy, listening to them talk and get acquainted. The boy was telling Riley that he had 2 big brothers and a little sister, that his brothers were his big brothers and that he was her big brother, that he liked coming to baseball practice with his brother, and that his sister was at home with his grandmother. That he got to go with his brother to practice because he was a good big brother to his sister. It was very cute! Riley was listening intently to the boy and nodding his head, "I have 2 big brothers, and I am my brother Grey's big brother too." I heard Riley say quietly. The boy stopped playing for a second and gazed at Riley. "Cool! Just like me! Where's your little brother?"

My heart skipped.

"He died. He's in heaven with Jesus."

Riley kept climbing the fence. The boy stood very still, I could tell that he was trying to grasp what Riley had just said. "Why is he in heaven?"

"He's dead. That's why." Riley said very matter of fact. He stopped climbing and looked at the boy.

"Why is he dead? The boy asked, "Did he get hurt?"

"Naw, he had a disease, he had Krabbes. And he died."

Riley and the boy went back to playing. For several minutes, they played quietly. My heart settled down. Riley gets it. He understands more than I thought. Not only that, but he has the ability to explain it to other kids. It was amazing. I was so proud of the fact that Riley has been able to process his feeling in an amazingly grown up way. I know that the acting younger at home to just a way to release tension and let Nicole and I handle the "heavy lifting" for a while.

Out of the Mouths of Babes, it is so unfair that my boy has to shoulder such a burden. I wish that I could spare him, his brothers, and Momma from the pain, the sadness, the longing to touch our Grey. I learned on Wednesday, that they all have amazing strength.

I am not alone.