A Million Firsts That Will Never Be

Today was a big day.

Seth and Riley are very much the extroverts. They have no fear! It was fantastic!

Both of them have been very excited the past couple of weeks, telling Nicole and I all about what they were going to do in their school talent shows.

I was amazed. I never had the guts and confidence to even consider being in a talent show when I was their age. I had no talent. Talent was something other people had. Not me. But both of them are just, yea I got talent, I can do this.

So, Riley was going to sing "Eye Of The Tiger" for everyone and Seth and some of his friends were going to do a scooter demonstration.

THEY WERE AMAZING!! I wanted to link the video, but our cable for the camera is missing.

I also ate lunch with Riley and 2 of his friends after their talent show. One of Riley's friends just kept going on and on about how great Riley did in the show. I was so proud for Riley. That's another way I know that Nicole and I have been doing well with our boys, they like everyone and everyone likes them.

While I was watching Seth's portion of the show, which was later in the day, I was sitting next to the cutest little boy. He was 16 months old. One month younger that Grey would be right now. He was playing with me, hiding in his mother's arms and peeking out at me. His smile was so sweet. He was at that awkward, just walking stage, still prone to falling.

I couldn't help it. The squeezing numbness gripped my heart. I could feel Greyson in my arms. Still, the grief wasn't so great that the tears came. In my mind eye I could see Grey sitting in heaven, laughing and clapping his hands for his big brother. This image was fleeting.

My thoughts quickly turned to all of the things that we will never see Grey do for the first time.

Millions of firsts. Gone.

We never got to experience Grey sitting for the first time, standing, walking, running, jumping, giving his first hug, falling for the first time, camping, riding a bike, playing with our dogs, My head is spinning.

Spinning! So many. Too many.

No first day of school.

Nothing.

Just memories. And unrealized dreams for Grey.

Yep. My heart and I are still broken.

I miss you more each day Greyson.

I love you always.