I thought it would be nice. I thought I would be able to recapture a moment or two, or at least the memory of a feeling once felt. It was a cool idea after all.
I shoulda known better....
Just before Greyson was born, Nicole and I got into this very short lived series called "Dead Like Me", about a rag tag group of Grim Reapers. There were only 3 seasons and then it was cancelled. I have fond memories of lying in our entertainment room watching the episodes while Nicole and the boys, except for Riley were at school. Those were such happy times. Riley and I would talk at least once a day about how cool it was going to be to have a new little boy in the house and how excited Riley was about being a big brother.
Happy Memories.....
The other night, Nicole found a full length DVD movie done based on the series, most of the same cast and everything. So we bought it. Tonight, I was playing computer games with Seth and had finished building Riley's Lego Clone Wars Tank. Seth was drifting off to sleep and Riley already was. Nicole called me away & suggested that we watch the DVD. I had such a good time giving attention to the boys I though that quality time with Nicole would be cherry on the pie. Spending the time together was nice, but the movie just kept taking me back to the before Grey times, the before Grey was sick times, the taking naps with Grey on my chest times.
My old familiar, snug, tight T- shirt very confining and tight. Tightness and aching, feeling as though the next deep breath would started the tremors that would rip me apart. The aching desire to make a deal, any deal for even another moment with Greyson. To remember the way that he smelled, felt, snuggled...
Yes, I shoulda known better......
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