A Boy's Day Out!

Yesterday was Labor Day. The last hoorah for the summer, and the signal that the serious business of the school year is at hand. Those of you that are or have a spouse that is a teacher understand the meaning of my statement. No more truly lazy days until the Christmas break, just lesson plans, meetings, homework and bedtimes for school days. In my case, this means coming home after working a night shift to help wake the boys and coax them into getting ready in time to not be late for school, or going to pick the boys up after school because Nicole has to stay late for a meeting.

In all though, I can't complain.

I will tell you, after working 32 hours over the weekend, the last thing that sounds fun to me is making plans for an outing on Monday. I'm fried from the long shifts and sleep deprived due to having to function during the day and sleep at night. Nicole, was not having any of that.

My darling wife was on a mission. WE were going to do something with the boys this Labor Day. (I really think that it had more to do with trying to snap me out of my funk) "We need to do something cool."

I have to hand it to Nicole. She knows what will peek the boys and I's interest. I love history. Seth has gotten bitten by the same bug. I can lose myself for hours in a museum. I just have to read everything and see every exhibit. The boys aren't quite as committed to the details, but they love to see the antiques and the weapons. And if the exhibits are about a war or battle, so much the better. They LOVE IT! Well, it was decided by the time that I got home after my weekend, that we were going to see the Alamo. The boys were super excited. Now I haven't been to the Alamo in at least 12 years, so I was game. Once I managed to wake up, that is....

What fun! The boys were so well behaved. I say boys, not all of the boys, just Seth and Riley. Luke, I am finding, as a 14 year old, can't be seen with the likes of Mom, Dad an brothers. I am having a lot of trouble with this. It's as if we are a family of 4.

4.

It turns out, that the program "Haunted Histories" that Nicole and the boys watch on Sunday's just happened to have San Antonio and the features city. I had to ask Nicole why I noticed the boys looking around the Alamo in a worried manner. "They are on the look out for the ghosts of the Alamo" she whispered and smiled. The show had spoken of the stories of the defenders of the Alamo haunting the Texas Shrine. What a HOOT! We were outside getting ready to go, when a nice man in a "Texican" costume approached us. It seems that one of the businesses on the grounds of the battlefield had done an archaeological dig on their property and had decided to turn their business into a mini-museum complete with a scale model of the Alamo as it was in 1836. He was advertising the museum dressed like a Texan of 1836, complete with a Bowie knife. I asked if the boys could take a picture with him, you should have seen Riley's face when the gentleman pulled out his Bowie Knife for the picture! It was priceless!

All in all, a very enjoyable, inexpensive outing! Good job Nicole!

I think that the thing that I find the hardest about losing Greyson is the "what ifs". I found myself thinking of Grey constantly. Nicole was too. I knew she was when, in the gift shop, she mentioned to me that we needed to find a Star tree ornament for the Christmas tree. I have been lost since the start of the school year. Stupidly, I thought that I have been concealing this fact from Nicole. I really believed that I was keeping it together for the most part.

WRONG!

After we got home, I happened to mention to Nicole that she hasn't been as affectionate as she is usually. I should have not said that! She has been very upset that I haven't been able to find my way out the "funk" that I have been in since we got back from going to Buffalo, NY. She said that I have been irritable, snapping at her and the boys, no fun, not smiling, unable to get anything done to help out at the house, etc, etc. And if I was wanting affection, should snap out of it and be "normal" so that I encourage affection........

Again.

I have been neglecting the things that are most important. Leaving the woman that I love alone to hold the wolves at bay. I have abandoned her and the boys. I have made things worse for myself and the ones I love.

Boy. I need to man up and give Nicole and the boys what they need, me. Not sad me, happy, loving me. Help me Greyson, I can't remember how to be happy, how to breath without pain.