Growing Pains!

Boy! What a week!



I really thought that I have been handling the loss of our Grey pretty well. But, after sending Nicole off to work twice this week in tears, I decided that I needed to make a change. I dropped my bereavement group and made appointments for just me. I have been having irrational episodes of anger. Anger about what I have been most proud of, telling Grey it was okay to leave. To not struggle. To not be scared.

I hate myself now.


I don't know what I was thinking.

The only thing that makes sense to me is that I miss Greyson and I want to hold him again.

The old tattered T-shirt of my grief has settled in again. The familiarity of it is almost comforting. The snug, tight caress of it over- whelming.

My grief councilor assures me that what I am experiencing is normal, that grief comes in tides.



I just feel like I'm CRAZY!

Seth has been busting at the seams all week. One of his friends invited him to spend the night this weekend. It is good to see my boys having good experiences in making friends. He and his buddy have been planning what they will do all week. For those of you who don't know, Seth is our vocal child. He never stops talking. So he has done more that his share of carrying on all week. Almost to the point of annoyance. I love seeing him excited, happy.


Not all is well and good though.


Riley is the typical little brother. He idolizes Seth. His big brother is the COOLEST EVER!


He has gotten swept up in Seth's excitement. I have been anticipating the moment that he realizes that he not going to go with Seth over to his friend's house. That is going to be tough. It makes my heart hurt.


I so want to spare him that disappointment and rejection.


We ended up getting the boys new bikes. Not Luke, just Seth and Riley. When we went to the storage area that we have to get Seth's bike out, I couldn't find it! It wasn't there! I don't know if it got stolen, or I gave it away, or what happened. All I know is that it's gone. Well, this is a disaster! Seth and Teddy HAVE to ride their bikes! Seth can't go without his bike. Of course, Riley must have a bike too!


Nicole really stepped up! She, after just getting home from work, turned around and went back to town to get the boy's new bikes. Riley has to get one too! Inside, I cringed! Knowing what Riley is thinking and assuming.


Nicole calls me at work today and tells me that the boys have been up for hours practicing on their bikes. She said that they have been so cute! Seth has helped Riley and been such a big boy.


I could tell by the tone of her voice, that there was a but,





"Riley is really disappointed. He figured out that Seth is going to Teddie's by himself. He is breaking my heart! He won't stop crying."


Oh! Man! growing pains suck!


I hate to disappoint Riley, but I can't force Seth to take his "little brother" with him. Can I?


Nope. That wouldn't be fair. I so want to not disappoint Riley though.





Growing Pains!





I hope that they will not let them affect their relationship with each other.