Bam!!

Today I went to a new Dentist, an Endontist. My tooth won't be fixed until the 23 rd of February. MAN! I don't mean to be a baby, but have no idea how I am going to make it another 2 weeks! This SUCKS! He refilled my Vicodin, but it was barely keeping me comfortable & if I take two, I sleep! Driving & Vicodin not good. Bill must to awake to drive! What to do?

After my appointment, I went over to Nicole's school and took lunch. It was so nice. We just sat and talked about stupid things, how good it felt to share our feeling, and..... drum roll..... Tattoos! Ever since Grey died in my arms, I have wanted to get a tattoo. Any of you who know me, know that there was something about being on my chest and listening to my heart. No matter how much Grey was crying, or how mad he was, all I had to do was put Grey over my heart and hold him close, and he would settle down and give me kisses or go to sleep. I loved it. I loved being that for him, sharing that with him. And because of that bond, I have wanted to get a tattoo on my chest celebrating Grey and to remind me of the times that he snuggled on my chest listening to my heart.....

At first I wasn't sure what I wanted, I just had this need to get one and, (this sounds weird), endure the pain. What's THAT?

THEN BAM!!!!!!!!

Nicole's brother Paul had a road sign made for Nicole after she told him about Greyson being named for the Dave Matthews Band song "GreyStreet". In the instant that I saw it I knew what my tattoo was going to be. A street sign, with Grey's birthday 12/18/07 and his initials. I told Nicole about my idea, and as she always does, she made it better! She reminded me of a line in the song,:

"on the corner of Grey Street and the End of the World, the colors fade to Grey."

She was so excited that her eyes sparkled, and she nearly beamed as she recommended that I get a sign post with not 1 but 2 street signs! 1 the "Grey Street" with "121807" and Grey's initials and the other intersecting it with "End of the World" and "121208" for the day that he died on it. I LOVE IT! The idea is perfect! So I have been wanting to get it done since. I have been emailing a tattoo artist and today after lunch with Nicole, I went to meet him like he had requested to discuss the design.

It went awesome! He really had great ideas and we made an appointment for Friday the 13 th. Eewwweee!! Spooky! I can't wait till Friday! I think that Nicole is jealous! And I just love making Nicole jealous!

Grey, Grey,

I can't wait Grey, I think my tattoo is going to be awesome! Daddy wants to get it on the place you were snuggled in my arms when you took your last breath, Little Man! I almost think that the pain I will have too endure in creating your memorial will help me continue to heal.... I need that pain, crave that pain. To, if only temporarily, deaden the pain inside the hole in my heart.

Love,

Ah! Da!