Settling back into Routine.....

I told myself that I needed a break from blogging today. I told myself that all of this "getting" in touch with my feelings has been making me sound like a big "Whinny Baby". So I set out to not blog today. I almost made it the whole day too! But here I am, bored with the computer game that I was playing and having one of those, "nothing to do" moments at work. My client is watching the NBA Allstar game, and doesn't like me hovering over him when he's watching TV. So I played a game and then went to read Nicole's blog and Misti's also.

You know, the more that I think about how much our lives have changed since we lost Grey, the more that I realize that it isn't changing that much after all. Tomorrow is our (Nicole & I) 12 th wedding anniversary. Do you think that I have made sure that I have something special planned? HA! HA! I suck bad! I haven't done a thing! Nicole really is going to deserve sainthood for putting up with me. It's not that I love her any less, quite the opposite, I love her more now than the day I married her.

Not only did I work a full 40 hours this weekend, but I work our anniversary night too! So her special day will be spent with 3 boys, (No one to watch the kids!) And she won't be treated like the Queen that she is. I really do not deserve her at all! I almost never remember to go that tiny little bit extra that would make the world perfect for Nicole. I do love you Nicole!

And since we have no choice in the fact that we have to endure the death of our boy..... I am relieved that I am going though this with you Nicole! Your strength is awe inspiring to me and makes me to want to do a better job being there for you. I will be better, more positive, and more understanding for you when you are overcome by Grey's death. I will be less selfish and more supportive my Darling Nicole. I Love You!!

Grey Grey,

Mommy and I promise that we are never going to forget you. Please continue making things better for Mommy and your brothers and help them to be happy for those brief moments that the forget that you are gone. Those moments are so few and fleeting.

Play Hard Little Man,

Love

Ah! Da!