I'm Scared!!

I find that I am at my easiest and calmest when I am alone. No one around. Alone with my fears and doubts, permitted to wade into the murky, brackish water of my grief. I hold my breath as the ripples of my anger, anguish, fear, sorrow and heartache lap against my body. Tightness gripping my heart and squeezing ever tighter as more and more images of our time with our Grey shuffle in and out of focus.

I feel like the statue of Atlas, weighed down by the magnitude of my grief and pain. the more that I strain to remain upright, the more heavy and overwhelming my grief becomes. I can feel myself succumbing to the power of it over my heart and soul, I can feel a blackness, a void of numbness chasing me and gaining.....

RUN! My mind is screaming! Don't let IT WIN!

I'm scared.

I'm not dreaming at all anymore. It may just be the Pain pills that the dentist gave me for my tooth.... What if it isn't?

I have always been the Moon in our relationship; Nicole and I. Always about the bad, always about what can go wrong.

I'm Scared!